Orifunke Lawal

As a Lagosian, one of the things you might be interested in knowing is how to live long in Lagos. Oh, you didn’t know? There are a thousand ways to die in Lagos, just like in every other metropolitan city in the world. But not to worry, we have compiled a list of all the things you need to know about how to live long in Lagos. Yes, we love you and we care about your life. *wide grin*

P.S: This list has been compiled from responses to a poll on our Facebook community a few weeks ago. Although the poll was centred around what everyone needs to know when living in Lagos or coming to Lagos for the first time, we have developed on them, giving due credit to original responders.

Catch Up On: Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1

1. Understand that nobody knows anywhere in Lagos

Lagosians can relate. You find yourself in a location you’re not familiar with and you decide to ask for directions? No, bruh, don’t do it! One guy would ask you to walk down and turn around and when you do, another Mama would tell you that you came the wrong way and ask you to return the way you came. Then someone else would tell you something else till you eventually get tired and die.  Okay, just kidding. But if you are not careful, too much walk can kill someone in this Lagos. So, how to ensure Lagosians don’t kill you when you’re visiting anywhere for the first time?

Always get adequate directions before going to any new place- Durosomo Manuel Olanrewaju

It is not always advisable to ask for directions from some Lagosians- Oyindamola Grace Osinnubi

Photo-credit: tenor.com

2. Remember that only God can be trusted

Yes, you heard that, right? When we hear pathetic stories relating to one person or the other in Lagos, we are reminded that you really can’t trust anybody. As you walk on that road, as you board that bike, as you board that bus, keep it at the back of your mind that you owe it to yourself to be extremely on alert. You don’t want to die before your time o, so shine your eyes. Sometimes people look suspicious, other times, they don’t. Whatever or whenever sha-

Suspect everyone. Every one.- Oluseyi Abisoye Mafolabomi

Photo-credit: activememe.com

Did You Miss This? What Lagos Means | The Lagos Series, Week 2

3. Know that the tush ones are in anywhere but Lagos

If you have stayed in Lagos long enough, you should know that you have to know when to switch from “Queen’s English Mode” to “Iyalaya E Mode”. Yes, that’s one secret to living long in this Lagos o. If you know you want to be tush, kindly stay outside Lagos (or on the Island sha). As you step out every day, ensure to carry your alter ego along, in case the other is to come in handy. This is Lagos- don’t be tush, don’t be slow. Eh ehn.

Know when to package and know when to scatter…You scatter body to enter bus, you package when you enter finish. You scatter voice to ask for change and you package voice to talk to your bus neighbour. If you mix package and scatter up, you’re on your own. For example, if you package voice to call your bus stop now, my sister, you’re on your way to another bus stop. Amen?- Akindele Oyinlola Dorcas

Keep your accent at home and pick Lagos accent when you land in Lagos- Oluwasanjo Bolaji

GIF credit: GIPHY.com

 

Ever Being Stranded in Lagos? Read: Being Broke In Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 3

4. Respect Yourself, Your Future & The Prayers of Your Mother While Dressing Up

Okay. Let us admit. We don’t know exactly how you can do this one but one thing we would ask of you is not to overdress anywhere, especially if you are a guy. Remember the #EndSars campaign that went viral on social media some months ago? It should definitely remind you of how you should be careful about dressing up when you’re going out. We’re not saying you shouldn’t dress up oo, we’re just saying- well, you should know.

Don’t look like a big boy or girl! You will just be attracting trouble ni- Ayomide Ilegbemi

Avoid SARS!- John Jodah Adah

We will stop here today as we will not want to get you scared of ever coming to Lagos if you’re planning to come sometime in the future. Lest we forget, some time ago, Orifunke wrote a post on Four things you should never do in Lagos and we think it might be useful for you.

Enjoyed reading this? We love love love your feedback. Please drop a comment letting us know you were here. Have a contribution to make to the post? Kindly use the comments box!

If you are visiting for the first time, you REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP ON PREVIOUS EPISODES ASAP!!! Luckily for you, we’ve not gone very far yet. Read all previous episodes here: The Lagos Series

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The Lagos Series is a project which aims at sharing an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos in both written and visual media.

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