I have always wondered what relationships look like when the man earns less than the woman. In this part of the world where the man is saddled with the expectation of taking care of his woman, it is unconsciously expected that the man should earn more.
Women who are thus more successful and earn more are advised to keep their achievements away from the knowledge of their lovers as it could be a stain on their ego if they get to find out that their women earn more than they do.
This is bullshit, anyway
Well, I hate to generalize and so I needed to know. Is it true that men would find it uncomfortable dating or marrying a woman who earns more? And is it true that women would find it uncomfortable marrying a man who earns less? And then, I asked this question across all my social media platforms and got replies. Of all the replies I got, about 90% were of the opinion that a man earning less than a woman wasn’t a problem. Of these 90%, a little over average were males. I found it interesting that guys thought it was absolutely nothing if their women earned more than they did. And although I wasn’t surprised, I found it equally interesting that women didn’t care either.
Perhaps there were guys who wouldn’t support the idea and they just didn’t comment on my poll for fear of going against the popular opinion, I really do not know and I cannot say. However, I’ll choose to go with the results of my poll and see this topic in that light till I am influenced by a different opinion.
Now, would I have a problem with my man earning less? Absolutely not. I would be more bothered if my man was bothered about me earning more. For the baby girl that I am though (Lol), Maybe I’d like it if my man earns more than I do. So that he can at least be buying me shawarma and ice-cream. And I won’t be feeling guilty for eating his money. I’m kidding. I think the problem is not if I’m earning more or if he’s earning less or whatever. But on how much we love each other and are willing to make it work.
I have heard of guys who take their more-earning women for granted or see her as an opportunity for them to get rich. And there are some other guys who absolutely drop the efforts to buy nice things for their ladies because she’s earning more and can afford it. They think their efforts are no longer needed since she can handle that herself.
Now this is not something I subscribe to. That I am earning more shouldn’t mean you shouldn’t want to take me out or buy me nice things. (And if you were thinking of asking, relationships are more than buying of gifts). It shouldn’t mean you stop making the efforts. Personally, I don’t care about how much or how little you spend, as long as you’re showing me you do care.
So here’s my bit for ladies; if you are dating a guy who earns less, there should never be a point in the relationship when you rub that in this face. Respect the fact that he works hard to make his ends meet whether he earns more or less. What a man earns really should never be the basis for your respecting him.
And for the men; you shouldn’t be bothered about it. A woman who doesn’t care will not give a damn about what you think. A woman who is well-meaning may not feel free to help out when you need it. You shouldn’t feel insecure at any point. If she’s a good woman that you love so much, you would do well not to ever bring up the issue in a disagreement. And of course, if there are things you should do for her, you shouldn’t rescind on your decision to make her happy in the little way you can.
This is what I think. Your opinion(s) could be different. So what do you think? For the ladies, would you date/marry a man who earns less? For the guys, would you date/marry a woman who earns more?
I have been in Lagos all my life. And asides the four years I spent in school, away from Lagos, I pretty much have been in Lagos through and through. So when I write a post on the things you should never do in Lagos, trust that I am not just talking from knowledge but from experience. Lol, don’t mind me, I’m just feeling myself. If you’re a lagosian, you will agree with this. And if you’re a new or aspiring lagosian, you’ll definitely need this.
1. Never ever give strangers audience. Five years ago, I almost got scammed by two unknown guys because I stood to listen to them. Let’s say I was fotunate not to have fallen (evidence of a mother’s strong prayers). I have heard similar stories of people who fell prey and who, at the end of the day, end up losing money or other valuable stuff. So please, when someone you don’t know walks up to you and tries to start a conversation with, walk away or totally ignore. Unless you have mind sha.
2. Never go to thrift markets with all your money in one place,if you have a lot of it with you.
This will particularly come in handy for females who regularly visit the market. Cashless transactions aren’t common in thrift markets so you have to deal with carrying money around. I know someone who would split her money into different places (purse, socks, bra… Lol) before going shopping. So if one part got missing, the others remained intact. Absurd, but could save you tears and worries anytime.
3. When a fight breaks out in a place, leave.
Sometimes my amebo attitude will not permit me to run away. I like to still stand and wonder what could have caused the fight and how it would end. My mom hates this and growing up, the first thing she did when a fight broke out anywhere was to carry her children away from there instantly. Why? You never know. The police could come and arrest everybody and put them in prison whether they’re at fault or not. Or, they could start breaking bottles or shooting each other. ?
4. If you’re in public transport, keep your phones or gadgets unless you’re sure you’re extremely safe. I am usually very careful about using my phone when I’m in a public transport. I can’t deal with the trauma of having my phone snatched or being robbed. If you’re in a personal car, do well to wind up always when driving, especially when in a stand-still traffic.
So, what are the things a person should never do in Lagos that I have not highlighted? Please use the comments box.
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Hello hello! Gooood to see you here! Thanks for coming around. This topic is one I have been thinking of writing about since last month and I’m glad I’ve finally come around doing it. So you see, I have gist for you guys.
Yesterday, on Facebook, I wrote a post about how I lent someone a large amount of money some weeks back and the adverse effects that had on me. “Adverse effects” because he refused to pay back and to make matters worse, he wasn’t picking my calls for days till his line was finally switched off.
This period, as I explained in my post, was very traumatic for me. It was a substantial amount and it left me broke and almost totally unable to cater for my basic needs. Let’s not talk about the number of nights and days I cried and the amount of weight I lost. It was a terrible experience for me.
During that period, I learnt one of the most vital lessons about money. And I swore to never fall into that trap again. Although I promised myself not to loan out money again, I soon found out that this may not be entirely possible.
So, in order to avoid stories that touch when next you want to lend someone some money (if you do ever want to), ask yourself the following questions:
1. Can I do without this money?
When lending money, it is much important to consider if the money is something you can do without. As wisely and usually noted, don’t lend any money you can’t give. Put different factors into consideration. What if something happens and you can’t get your money back? Would you be able to continue living? Or would you fall into a stance of depression? If I had asked myself this question and sincerely answered, I definitely wouldn’t have given out that money. Your answer would tell you if you should lend that money or not.
2. Does he/she have a sure means of returning the money?
This might sound awkward but is paramount. If you’re looking at getting your money back within a specific time-frame, you may want to know how the borrower intends to get the money to pay you back. Do they earn a salary or are they expecting money from someone else? Ask them. Find out. What if they don’t have a means of paying back and would start telling stories when it’s time to pay? Definitely something you should avoid.
3. Do you know a close relative or friend of the person?
Lending money to someone whose personal family members or friends you don’t know could be dangerous. Consider the fact that the person could refuse to pay as promised or could even disappear like mine did. So if the person does, you have someone who could at least help with their whereabouts. Of course, it doesn’t guarantee that you will get your money back but it’ll increase your chances.
All in all, the best advice is for you not to lend money that you really cannot do without. What else did I miss out on? Please drop your comments ☺️