As much as proposals are the order of the day all around the world, it is also not unusual to hear or see instances where the lady rejects a marriage proposal from her man; or in recent cases in Nigeria where it was the other way around. And beyond what we see in the media daily, I am sure there are other countless men whose proposals are rejected by their women.
This is an interesting phenomenon, I must say. I have been particularly thrilled about failed proposals. I always want to know why she said no if they had been dating for a while. What went wrong? Was it her? Was it him? Was it them? WHY? The bigger and more significant question I always seem to have on my mind is, “So, what next? Where do they go from there? Do they retrace their steps? Or should they say goodbye?” Because I am naturally inquisitive, I have raised this question with small groups of people (guys, especially).
“If you ask a girl to marry you and she says No, would you continue with the relationship?”
Last week, I also took a poll on my social media platforms where I asked people this same question. And as with every poll, I got varying responses. Most of the people who responded made it known very clearly that there was absolutely no need for the relationship to continue while others did make provisions for the fact that there could have been a reason.
Well, I am one of the few people who think that saying No to a proposal should not necessarily mean the end of a relationship.
I mean, I know it’s a serious thing if she says No to your proposal but I think calling the relationship quits as a result of that might be too extra. And I do have my reasons.
WHAT IF SHE IS NOT READY?
I am in a relationship with someone I do love and see myself marrying sometime in the nearest future but sometimes, I have had to ask myself what I would do when this guy is ready to get married and I am not ready yet. Would he ask me why and find out? Or would he call it quits?
Some people think he should at least be knowledgeable enough to know when I’m ready or not. But the problem with this premise is that this can be quite confusing, especially if he wants the proposal to be a surprise. What if he is convinced that she is ready because she looks or talks ready but is not ready mentally?
I think we really should consider the possibility that a woman can really love a man, see a future with him but indeed, not be ready when he pops the question; and sometimes, it is not about whether she is ready to submit or not or whether she is financially stable as she wants. Sometimes, it is just psychological and in a lot of cases, you can’t just explain the exact unready-for-marriage feeling that you have.
It is important to remember that a man will NEVER ask for a woman’s hand in marriage until he thinks he is ready, even if she has been ready for it for long. He might not be financially ready and all and sometimes, he is just not mentally ready. It doesn’t reduce the love he has for her, neither does it mean he’ll push himself to get married because she wants to get married.
If the man most likely would not ask the question unless HE is ready, then why should there not be a consideration of the possibility that she might not be ready too? Should she automatically be ready because he is ready? Or, is it only the man who needs to get mentally or psychologically ready for marriage?
Being ready is not only talking like you’re ready. It might not even be talking about marriage. It is not looking like you’re all ready and ripe.
Asking the WHY question
So, here’s my submission. If she says No to a proposal, there should be questions asked; Why?
-Is it that she doesn’t see a future with him at all?
-Or is it that she is not ready (Maybe he asked too early)?
If it’s the latter, then do well to ask WHY she is not ready.
The responses should inform your next step; whether to stay and chill or find someone else. As for me, however, God knows I am not going to say Yes to a marriage I am not prepared for (and I know he definitely would not ask me without knowing if I’m prepared).
Or, what do you think?
Earlier this week, I saw a video of a girl who proposed to “her man” at the Ikeja City Mall, Lagos, and the guy rejected the proposal. You have most likely seen the video as well. So, I did a poll (as usual) asking ladies if they could propose and asking guys if they could accept a lady’s proposal. As usual again, I got different reactions which made it all too interesting and fun. I got opinions from ladies who said they could propose and those who said they couldn’t. I also got opinions from guys who said they could accept the proposal and guys who, as expected, said they couldn’t.
So, in this post, I am NOT going to tell you IF I can propose to a guy or not. I am going to tell you why I CAN’T.
- I think I am just proud
Looool. Yes, I am. If I am going have anything romantic to do with you in the first place, you better be bold enough to ask. Else, even if I am head over heels for you, that feeling is going to my grave with me. Same thing with proposing to you. If you don’t tell me to marry you, I won’t ask. Las las, I will leave you and your relationship with you if you have a problem asking.
2. I like to tell people stories about my life. If you follow me personally, you know this. So, my future husband’s proposal is going to be something I am sure to write about. LMAO. But how will I be able to write it if I was the one who proposed? The story won’t be sweet abeg. So no!
3. See ehn, the words, “Will you marry me?” will be twisting my mouth. They won’t come out well because my home training will be alerting my brain that there is something wrong going on in my mind. And that would ensure that the words going from my mind to my mouth will be distorted so they will eventually not come out. I don’t know but that sounds like something I could have learnt in Biology.
4. I hate hearing the word, “No” when “asking” people for anything. If I was the girl that acted proposed and got rejected… hmmm (laughs in the tongues of saints gone before), I don’t know o but something like blood will flow. Not blood o, something like blood.
5. I won’t forgive myself for ridding myself of the beautiful, angelic, “awwing” moment that I am supposed to have when the lucky Boo eventually goes down on his knees (yes, he must go down on his knees) and says, “Will you marry me?”. You know that highly emotional moment when you feel like, “Oh my God, it’s really happening. I am getting married!” with tears that you try to clean from your eyes so you can see through his heart if he’s serious or not. I must have that moment by force, by fire.
Okay, joking apart. I can actually never bring myself to asking a guy out not because I think, “It has always been a guy’s job to ask” or anything but because I just can’t. If you can’t propose, I can’t either.
Thank you very much for reading. Want to let me know what you think? Kindly use the comments box. If you’ll like to connect with me on my social media platforms, we could link up on any of the following:
Facebook: Orifunke Lawal
Too often, I read stories of ladies who fall prey to guys who break off their relationships in the most inconsiderate manner. What usually makes it very painful is that on most occasions, the relationship would have lasted more than 3 or 4 years. And no, usually, this is not a simple relationship but one where a ring has been involved. So imagine the pain the lady goes through when it dawns on her that she has wasted time, emotions and opportunities she had for other potential suitors to come into the picture.
I strongly feel this is something that can be avoided a lot of times by ladies and I’ll be sharing tips on how to know if your fiancé is serious about marrying you or if he just put the ring on your finger till further notice.
1. He never says anything about you both starting marriage preparations after putting the ring on your finger.
I believe that proposing to a lady means that you see her marrying her really soon, say in one or two years. It’s not a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship that you’re still trying to figure out. However if he keeps mute after you’ve said yes and doesn’t bring it up again at all, then you should raise your eyebrows. Unless he has amnesia and has forgotten he proposed to you.
2. He tries to avoid any talks about marriage with you.
If after he’s proposed he starts to avoid marriage talks with you or starts to postpone the discussion, then it could be time to rethink. Many guys give ladies engagement rings not because they’re ready to get married to them but because they’re scared of someone else taking her. In some cases, they’re not even sure if they’ll eventually marry her. If your man finds a way to change the subject when marriage comes up, take a cue and start thinking of exit routes. Or for starters, take the ring off your finger first of all.
3. He actually talks marriage with you but never seems ready.
I understand the place of your man having everything in place before getting married. However, if for three, four, five years or more, he’s still trying to fix something here and there, you just may have to start thinking of leaving. If he knew he wasn’t ready for it very soon, I don’t think he should have proposed to you yet. There’s nothing bad in waiting for his life to be in order but if it’s taking too long then it’s not too good, baby.
Please understand that the above conditions only hold for relationships where a ring is already involved. A relationship where the guy hasn’t proposed would definitely have different (even though slight) conditions.
So, what did I miss out on? How can a lady know if the guy is really serious or if she’s just a lord (or lady) of the rings?
P.S: Opinions and constructive criticism are welcome!