4 Reasons Why I Don’t Like Being Called A Feminist
I don’t like being called a feminist and I have had people call me this a lot of times. I really do not know why. Or, well, maybe I do know why but do not just think it is enough reason for anybody to see me as one. If you know me personally or follow me personally on My Personal Facebook account, one of the things you probably know about me is that I am very assertive. I am everything that speaks confident (and I am not ashamed to say this) and I am not one to think I should be seen as less than capable or less than a man. I didn’t grow up this way either.
So, whenever I mention something that tilts in the favour of women, someone somewhere just happens to think that I am a feminist because to them, a feminist is someone who can speak in favour of women. People happen to think that any lady who refuses to lower her standards for a man has to be a feminist. If she is intelligent, confident and outspoken, then she also has to be a feminist. And if she ever has to speak against injustice against women then, she is very much a feminist.
Photo Credit: Google
Well… I don’t want to bore you with too much talk. You’re here because you want to know why I do not like being called a feminist and I am going to tell you just that.
ONE, I don’t like being called a feminist because I feel that it is a wildly-misconstrued term. Last time I checked what feminism meant in the dictionary, its meaning sounded cool and reasonable. I mean, advocating for equal rights for women when it comes to education and employment opportunities is not a bad idea, right? But leave the dictionary meaning and take it up to the real world and you will find out that many women who call themselves feminists are only mad at men and the fact that they exist. So, for many “feminists”, the battle goes way beyond advocating fundamental rights for women but is now an attack on whoever is a man. And many people also see feminism as the movement of women who hate men.
TWO, I do not like the fact that people who label me as that do not mean it in a positive way. People who call me a feminist rarely do so because they like feminists or the idea of feminism but because they think I am too “strong-willed” to be a lady. Another annoying this about this premise is that they expect me to be someone who can do everything herself and who doesn’t need help from anybody, especially men. I do not like the idea of that.
Photo Credit: Google
THREE, to me, being a feminist would mean not making exceptions for any part of your life. In other words, you can’t claim to advocate for equality in an area and permit inequality in another area. Even though I believe that women should not be seen as lesser or inferior and I make that clearly-known, I strongly believe that in marriage, the narrative changes. I am a Christian and my Bible teaches me that the man is the head of the wife. The woman is to submit to the man. The Bible makes clear a hierarchy where the man is the head and the woman follows his leadership. I am not obliged to submit to any man out there but I am obliged, according to my Bible, to submit to my husband. However, I am not sure feminism makes arrangement for exceptions such as this.
FOUR, I believe that to compare two different variables with each other, then there should be a sort of similar point which makes it easy to compare them with each other. And in my opinion, that similar point doesn’t exist when it comes to men and women. I believe it is quite erroneous to compare men and women together when they are obviously different. Men have their strengths and weaknesses and women also do. In essence, doing so would force us to give men roles that they may not be able to handle and that women may not be comfortable taking up. It’s like saying that men should also be allowed to breastfeed their babies because it is “injustice and degrading” to ask a woman to breastfeed her own baby.
Photo credit: Girls Ask Guys https://www.girlsaskguys.com
WHAT I DO STAND FOR
Irrespective of the reasons I have given for why I do not like being called a feminist, some things stand for me, however.
- That I do not like being called a feminist does not mean I will allow anybody see me as less, inferior or incapable. If anything, I really will not stop to prove people wrong that call me a woman or not, it doesn’t make you able to make better decisions than I can.
- That I do not like being called a feminist does not mean that if I see an injustice being perpetrated against a woman, I will then keep quiet. No, if that happens, I will speak against injustice against women if I am exposed to real-life stories about them. The twist to this is that I will not speak in the favour of women alone. If the tables turn and a man is the one who is being threatened or mistreated, I will speak in the favour of the man. That’s the reasonable thing to do, I guess.
- That I do not like being called a feminist does not mean that I will be less confident in who I am. Or whatever makes me, Me.
Perhaps what I am saying, at the end of the day, is that the most important part of me isn’t that I am a woman. It is that I am human.
Photo Credit: Google
I Wanted To Drop Out Because I Felt I Could Learn So Much Without Attending A University – Bello Toluwalope
Read Bello Toluwalope’s #FreshGradTales. Toluwalope is a fresh graduate of Agricultural Economics from the University of Ibadan. He is a photographer (runs Toluwalope Bello Photography) and a budding creative analyst. He hails from Ibadan in Oyo State and comes from a family of 6 where he is the second child. Tolu is also a believer in Christ Jesus who enjoys playing games, music, hanging out and networking. Do enjoy his interview and don’t forget to share when done.
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How would you describe your journey through the university?
My journey through the university was a bitter-sweet experience, although, no experience caught me by surprise. I always prepare myself for the worst.
What were the best thing and worst thing about attending your university?
The best things, for me, were knowing God and meeting people. The worst thing was having to cram to pass exams. (The lácramè, lá passé, lá forgeté theorem)*
If you had an opportunity to start all over again, would you still pick your university?Why or why not?
If I had the opportunity to school outside the country, I would never pick the University of Ibadan. But in Nigeria, I would pick the University of Ibadan again. UI is still the best in Nigeria. In a city full of blind men, a one-eyed man is a king.* This is because I have toured schools; none like the University of Ibadan. Everything is conducive here compared to other schools. We study hard in a conducive environment.. (Compared to others).
If you had a second chance as a student, what would you do better?
I would pay more attention to my personal growth (e.g take professional courses), attend challenging seminars and apply for scholarships).
What did you learn most from being a student in your university?
I learnt how to live with all kinds of people and I learnt how to manage my time.
Could you tell us about the relationships you had on campus?
I had just one relationship in school and it lasted for just three months. I loved her but she did not love me back. I was the “Mr Nice Guy” so, out of external pressure, she consented hoping to grow into love (I understood her and was really patient for her to grow into it). However, after struggling for three months, she couldn’t do it anymore so we mutually gave each other space. It hurt though…but shit happens.
What challenges did you have as a student?
Well, academically, I had so many down times because I was not the cramming-or-reading-just-for-exams kinda person. I wanted to know all there is to a particular subject. I wanted to drop out because I felt I could learn so much without attending a university. The Nigerian university system is a scam mehn.
Would you say you had any achievements? If yes, what are they?
Yes. I found purpose. I discovered myself in the process (this is my greatest achievement). This happened as I journeyed through different leadership positions, especially when I pastored a
fellowship on campus.
What advice do you have for those who are still students in higher institutions and those who are looking at going to school soon?
Discover yourself (know what works for you). This would determine the kind of school you would go. Well, that is, if you have to go to the University to fulfil the requirement for becoming you.
Now that you’re a graduate, what’s next for you?
Well, I would keep learning, keep becoming ME. I’d build a brand as two sectors I am passionate about are the Corporate world and the Media
Any final words?
This life is not complex. Understand the dynamics and be ready to pay the price. ENJOY LIFE.
P.S:
*The lácramè, lá passé, lá forgeté theorem: The interviewee used this term to describe the usual cycle of students in many Nigerian Universities who memorize (cram) a lot of things they have been taught in order to pass exams and also, forget all they’ve learnt after writing the exams.
*In a city full of blind men, a one-eyed man is a king: This is a well-known Yoruba proverb.
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DID YOU ENJOY BELLO TOLUWALOPE’S INTERVIEW? READ INTERVIEWS OF OTHER FRESH GRADUATES HERE >>>> #FreshGradTales
#FreshGradTales is a series of interviews for fresh graduates from ALL universities in Nigeria. This initiative aims at hearing and sharing the stories, struggles, achievements and experiences of fresh Nigerian graduates. We do believe everyone has a unique story that someone somewhere would love to read and benefit from reading as well.
If you are a fresh university graduate and would love to share your #FreshGradTales, Orifunke would be glad to hear from you on [email protected]
The Best Thing About Attending University Was The Freedom I Got From My Parents – John White #FreshGradTales
Today on #FreshGradTales, I have the privilege of interviewing John Oyinbo White. John Oyinbo White is a graduate of Chemical Engineering, Federal University of Technology, Minna (FUTMINNA) who is very interested in business. He is from Kabba in Kogi state, comes from a family of six which includes his parents, elder sister and two younger brothers. Mr White is a Christian and also looks forward to pursuing a career in the lucrative Oil and Gas industry. In this interview, he shares his experiences and achievements as a student, making mention of the best thing about attending university for him.
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How would you describe your journey through the university?
I would describe my journey through the University as interesting and enlightening; the ups and downs, the stress, the laughter, the disappointments, the fun, the failures, the successes, the hard work, the reading (TDB and MTN). They all summed up to become the most interesting and tasking five years of my life.
NB: TDB means “till daybreak” and MTN means “Morning Till Night”
What were the best thing and worst thing about attending your university?
This is a tough one to answer. The best thing would probably be the freedom I got; no mum or dad to Lord it over me. Although with this came some mistakes, I learnt.
The worst thing was the stress, especially from 200 level to 500 level. Gosh!!!!! They don’t pity students in that school, the transport system was bad, we had to queue(very long queues, anyone from FUTMINNA can relate). There were just two ATMs on the campus back then so to withdraw was like hell. You almost had to queue for everything, I can remember back in 2013 when we had to undergo a medical test, my friend (Richmond) and I got to the clinic around 5am and we still met people there. The stress was just too much for 5 years coupled with the harsh weather.
If you had an opportunity to start all over again, would you still pick your university? Why or why not?
I’d still pick the school because asides the stress, FUTMINNA is top notch, especially my department; a very nice one. Plus the school isn’t all that social, hence, fewer distractions.
If you had a second chance as a student, what would you do better?
I would read more books (not academical books though), attend more seminars and be more politically active.
Tell us about your relationships, maybe? (Probably number of times your heart was broken, or times you broke others’ hearts. Or tell us if you found love.)
LOL. I had a couple of crushes but they were nothing serious, didn’t break anyone’s heart in school?. Neither did anyone break my heart. Was just in one serious relationship though, just one. It had a bad ending though.
What challenges did you have as a student? (This could be personal, academic, whatever)
Had challenges combining church, school, politics and business but they were later settled.
Would you say you had any achievements? If yes, what are they?
Yes. Number One achievement was that I bagged my first degree (B.Eng) in Chemical Engineering. Two, I was able to get an organization of mine (specializing in training students in chemical engineering software e.g., HYSYS) and organized a couple of trainings in school. Three, I was the General Secretary of the Nigerian Society of Chemical Engineers (NSChE), Students’ Wing(FUTMINNA chapter), and even received a national merit award from the society’s national body (the students’ wing). I also did some businesses; in some, I lost and in others, there were profits. My business partners being Winner, Richmond and Dyil. All by God’s grace, mercy and Favor.
What advice do you have for those who are still students in other higher institutions and those who are looking at going to school soon?
To the students, I’d say, get your priorities right, set your goals and put in conscious efforts to see them achieved.
To aspirants, I’d say, train yourself to be disciplined and learn to do the right things with or without supervision, learn not to be susceptible to peer-pressure. These should get you prepared for life on campus
Now that you’re a graduate, what’s next for you?
What next?? NYSC definitely, service to my fatherland. After that, I would apply for jobs and for Masters as well as, get myself busy with one or two businesses.
Any final words?
Let’s take the responsibly of building a stronger Nigeria and remember that without God, we’re nothing.
We need God to fulfill purpose and affect lives.
A big thank you to Orifunke for this interview.
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DID YOU ENJOY THIS INTERVIEW? READ INTERVIEWS OF OTHER FRESH GRADUATES HERE >>>> #FreshGradTales
#FreshGradTales is a series of interviews for fresh graduates from ALL universities in Nigeria. This initiative aims at hearing and sharing the stories, struggles, achievements and experiences of fresh Nigerian graduates. We do believe everyone has a unique story that someone somewhere would love to read and benefit from reading as well.
If you are a fresh university graduate and would love to share your #FreshGradTales, Orifunke would be glad to hear from you on [email protected]
3 Personal Lessons I learnt From The Stranger Who Kissed Me Today
I am going to tell you three personal lessons I learnt from the stranger who kissed me today. Today, something that has never happened to me since I started living in Lagos happened to me and I found it very very humorous. I am still laughing to myself even as I remember it. Loool. Every day on my way to work, I walk from my home to the Napep park which takes me to where I’ll board another bus before I eventually get to my office. The walk from my home to the park is about ten minutes on days when I am not in a hurry and have enough time to a catwalk down. Today was one of such days. My home is very close to the road so I have to walk across it; more like cross and cross and cross and cross again to get to the other side. (I hope you get the picture I am trying to paint)
So, as I made my first two crosses and waited for the next road to be clear again, (I really don’t know but…) I felt the urge to look behind to the road I had just crossed. And to my amazement, I saw this young driver pouting his lips and blowing me a kiss just as he continued to drive by. I stopped in my tracks and hurriedly tried to analyze his face to know if he was someone I probably knew from somewhere. He didn’t stop for a minute or second, he drove off after sending me the kiss.
I crossed the remaining laps of the road wondering if what I had just seen was real or if the guy was okay in his head. But by the time I had crossed, I was already laughing so hard that I had to stop to laugh my heart out. It was funny for reasons I do not know. While somebody else might have seen it as offensive or what not, I honestly do not know why I found it extremely funny that a stranger blew me a kiss… in Nigeria.
I took to my Facebook and posted about it and the incident lingered in my heart all through the day. While I do not know this young man’s reason for blowing me a kiss, I have deducted some vital lessons that that occurrence taught me today. And I hope you learn from it too.
ONE, Sometimes, you don’t need to bring heaven down to make somebody smile. Many times, we think our heads out looking for things to make random people smile but we forget that the little, insignificant things may count. I have been thinking all day, what if I just make someone smile by blowing them a kiss in transit tomorrow? They’ll probably think I’m crazy, no doubt, but I’ll be in transit so they won’t be able to know me or recognize me. Abi? Loool.
TWO, If you want to be remembered, be memorable. This is especially one vital branding lesson you may not always get to hear. But if you want people to remember you as a person or as a brand, you have to do something that will make them remember you; something extraordinary; something that would make you stay on their mind and, as a mentor would say, at the back of their heads. And no, it doesn’t have to be kissing them. Haha!
THREE, A little silliness is needed for some sanity in this life. Sometimes I find myself so down and too much into work. These times are very important opportunities for me to be silly and to have some good laugh. And usually, I get my good laugh by “looking for people’s trouble”. In the end, I get a good laugh, the other person does as well and life is fine. I think sometimes we need to get off that platform of seriousness that the adult life has offered us and act like kids once again, making other people feel good while we feel good. Or what do you think?
One of these days, when I finally have my full mind, I might just blow a kiss to someone I do not know and who does not know me as well. The memory would keep me laughing for as long as I can remember.
You Can’t Graduate From UNILAG And Not Have Sense – Damilola Ajani #FreshGradTales
Hello, everybody. Thank you for joining us today of #FreshGradTales. Today, I am very pleased to have Damilola Ajani, a fresh graduate of the University of Lagos (UNILAG) and he studied Materials Engineering. From his interview, though, you can easily tell that this is one of those people who really love UNILAG. Loool. But you will learn one or two things from his interview and I do hope you enjoy it. Don’t forget to drop your comments when you’re done.
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How would you describe your journey through the university?
It was terrible, in fact, horrible! I titled my Faculty, “A prison yard”. We didn’t do interesting things; No parties, no clubbing. (Laughs) I don’t like those though. But really, my journey throughout the university was no fun at all.
What were the best thing and worst thing about attending your university?
The best thing about my university is the same thing I do tell people. One thing I’m sure about UNILAG is; once you miss it academically, you’d use your talents to be great. It’s a platform where you can showcase what you love. UNILAG is a school you can be and make money if only you’re smart. I don’t think there’s any worst thing about my university.
If you had an opportunity to start all over again, would you still pick your university? Why or why not?
Yeah! Yeah!! Yeah!!! I would pick my university over and over again but I will never choose any course relating to Engineering?. If I hear anything Engineering, I will japa (run away). I would choose UNILAG again because it’s a school where you’ll improve academically and socially. Besides, You can’t be a graduate of UNILAG and not have sense (not make money)… Laelae (Not at all)!
If you had a second chance as a student, what would you do better?
Ehhhh, If I had another chance as a student, I would learn and perfect my photography skills or learn Tailoring. And I’ll just make money and create perfect awareness in school.
What did you learn most from being a student in your university?
I learnt so many things… First was how to dress well. You can be intelligent and make sense simultaneously. This is obviously what all UNILAG students possess. I learnt how to relate well with people. I discovered it’s only your attitude that can make you remain at the top, not your certificate.
Tell us about your relationships, maybe?
I dated one very fair and beautiful lady before entering the university. That was my first relationship and we dated till I got to my second year. I guess I wasn’t giving her what she wanted?(you don’t need to know that) so she broke up with me because of that and it affected me academically a bit. I had the worst G.P that semester. I don’t break ladies’ hearts, I fear God?.
What challenges did you have as a student?
The only challenge I faced in school was the funds aspect. I used to leave school for work when classes were going on. I did all kind of jobs as a man to feed myself and get materials for subsequent weeks in school. So, it affected me a bit too.
How were you able to combine having a side-hustle with your academics?
I must confess it wasn’t good. I wish I had a choice but I just had to do it.
Do you think you would have graduated with a better grade than you did if you didn’t have to work alongside schooling?
Yes, I would have. I’d have had more time to read assiduously and rest better.
Would you say you had any achievements? If yes, what are they?
Yes! I was exposed to a lot of things; I did a lot of certification programming while in school and I met the best set of people in UNILAG.
What advice do you have for those who are still students in higher institutions and those who are looking at going to school soon?
Focus and be Determined. When I was in 300 level, I had written my letter of deferment already because I was extremely tired of school. But I was determined to keep going and finish it at once and I was focused too. For the soon-to-be students, acquire skills before entering school. It would help you a lot in school. Add skills to the certificate you’re pursuing. Get professional certificates for any skills you acquire, it might be relating to your field of study or not.
Now that you’re a graduate, what’s next for you?
Now that I’m a graduate, the next step is to make money; Cool money, travel all over the world, get married and have sex?
Any final words?
Whatever you do, be good at it because one day, your knowledge will be challenged and only the studious will not fall victims.
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#FreshGradTales is a series of interviews for fresh graduates from ALL universities in Nigeria. This initiative aims at hearing and sharing the stories, struggles, achievements and experiences of fresh Nigerian graduates. We do believe everyone has a unique story that someone somewhere would love to read and benefit from reading as well.
READ INTERVIEWS OF OTHER FRESH GRADUATES ON THE BLOG HERE: #FreshGradTales
If you are a fresh university graduate and would love to share your #FreshGradTales, Orifunke would be glad to hear from you on [email protected]
How To Smile While Watching BBNaija [In 4 Easy Steps]
Following the series of the biggest reality show in Nigeria lately, I really must say that you cannot but love #BBNaija; the suspense, the engagement, the fuzzy feeling it sometimes gives you, everything. I can really tell that it is especially an interesting way to spend your day or catch some fresh air during your day.
Now, what if I told you that all the hours you spend watching the most popular reality show in the country could actually earn you some really cool gifts? Would you believe it? I think I find it especially thrilling that #BBNaija gives you the opportunity to enjoy your time on TV and also have some gifts at hand. Now, for me, that is realllyyy good.
If you’re reading this at this point, I can make two wild guesses;
- You watch #BBNaija (and yaaay! That makes us two)
- You want to know how you can get the best from #BBNaija even while you spend your time. (Now, that’s smart!)
And because I am really nice like that, yes, I have compiled a list of how you can smile at your TV every time you have to watch BBNaija. (And shhh, I’m for real).
Presenting to you… BBTrivias
So BBNTrivias gives you the opportunity to win amazing gifts at the least cost you can imagine. (Yeah, this pretty sounds too good to be true. This means that you do not have to break your bank to get thrilling gifts that would get you smiling on #BBTrivia.
- To get in on the train of winners, answer the Trivia questions in the flyer below (They’re pretty easy, aren’t they?)
2. When you have your answers, check out the answer codes for each of the housemates in the image below. Look at them carefully so as not to make any mistakes.
3. This is the most important part! Now that you know your answers and you know the codes of each of the housemates, proceed to play. The image below shows you exactly how to play depending on the bank(s) you’re using.
4. If you would want to play on the website (http://www.bbntrivias.com) instead, no worries, you’re absolutely covered! Follow the simple instructions right in the image below:
I hope these steps were clear enough. I really cannot wait to see you win all the best gifts on the BBTrivias.
Have any questions? I’ll be right here to respond when you drop your comment.
For more information, follow @BBNtrivias or follow the official hashtags: #BBNTrivia #BBNaija
In 300L, I Had To Do Part-Time Jobs To Survive – Kemi Farinde
Hello, dear readers! Welcome to today’s session of the #FreshGradTales. Today, we have a young beautiful lady who I have spoken with and really do admire. I’d refer to her as a woman of strength and ambition. Her name is Kemi Farinde and she is a graduate of the Building department, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife. She currently works with a company where she is practising as a builder. And lest I forget, she actually served as the president of her department in her final year on Campus. I do know you would enjoy this.
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How would you describe your journey through the university?
First, I would like to say thank you, Orifunke Lawal, for the beautiful job you are doing on this platform.
My journey on campus was tiring and stressful but sweeeettttt, fun and challenging. Every experience was worth it, truthfully speaking.
If you had an opportunity to start all over again, would you still pick your university? Why or why not?
Lol, no oooo…ah, I would love to experience other institutions, their calendar, standards and all.
Tell us about your relationships, maybe?
I have had two relationships. The first one was for over five years while the second was for eight months. I am turned off from relationships presently. I just want to invest all my energy in myself and anything that concerns me asides relationship. When the right person comes, then I can be in one. But right now?, my dear, NO.
My experience has been bad. In my first relationship, we shared different values and he was violent. The second one broke up with me because I bought ordinary 4,500naira weavon with my freaking money and he assumed I spent lavishly. And then his senses got awakened that I do social media too much.
What challenges did you have as a student?
Challenges? I had a whole lot of them. Was it the part where I had to sleep in classrooms because I had no accommodation in part two? Abi the part that my G.P dropped drastically in part 3 because I was carried away by different part-time jobs that I had to do to survive, and lots more. But see ehn, all those things never weakened me, instead, I saw them as opportunities to perform excellently; which I did.
Would you say you had any achievements? If yes, what are they?
Oh yes, I did. I led my department as the President for a session and it was awesomeeee. I understood what it felt like to starve, I understood what it felt like to be faced with challenges above, so I ensured the students didn’t have to go through those things. Life was easy for them, but it wasn’t for me. We were able to provide welfare packages for students, visitation, packages worth more than their dues, a talk show with free food (smiles). We were able to raise enough funds (a’int telling you guys how much), we bought a printer, concrete mixer and poker vibrator for the department, we renovated the studios, we gave all our lecturers packages and the week was awesome.
Oh, and despite all my travelling and “Joyful Noise” (my fellowship’s anniversary), I still finished with a 2.1.
What advice do you have for those who are still students in higher institutions and those who are looking at going to school soon?
See, you need to have a passion before you can even cope. Your passion drives you, it motivates you personally. Don’t ever be distracted nor disappointed in yourself. If you know you have failed then strive not to fail again. Talk to people. Your ego and silence won’t help anyone in the end, my dear. Walkaway from people with bad testimonies . You can do alllllll things, that’s what the scriptures say.
Any final words?
Keep believing in yourself. You are not limited by anything. Know your weaknesses, your strength and never settle for less. You don’t even know all you can do except you try. Don’t walk alone. And never stop loving God. In the beginning and the end, it’s still God. But don’t leave God with all and be sleeping… Lol, you are on a jonzing things o. I wish you nothing but God’s best. Soar!!!
Thanks, Miss Orifunke Lawal. God bless you and keep being an impact. Let’s stay blessed.
I remain Farinde Kemi And I am a Builder.
Why The Refusal Of A Proposal Should Not Mean The End Of A Relationship?
As much as proposals are the order of the day all around the world, it is also not unusual to hear or see instances where the lady rejects a marriage proposal from her man; or in recent cases in Nigeria where it was the other way around. And beyond what we see in the media daily, I am sure there are other countless men whose proposals are rejected by their women.
This is an interesting phenomenon, I must say. I have been particularly thrilled about failed proposals. I always want to know why she said no if they had been dating for a while. What went wrong? Was it her? Was it him? Was it them? WHY? The bigger and more significant question I always seem to have on my mind is, “So, what next? Where do they go from there? Do they retrace their steps? Or should they say goodbye?” Because I am naturally inquisitive, I have raised this question with small groups of people (guys, especially).
“If you ask a girl to marry you and she says No, would you continue with the relationship?”
Last week, I also took a poll on my social media platforms where I asked people this same question. And as with every poll, I got varying responses. Most of the people who responded made it known very clearly that there was absolutely no need for the relationship to continue while others did make provisions for the fact that there could have been a reason.
Well, I am one of the few people who think that saying No to a proposal should not necessarily mean the end of a relationship.
I mean, I know it’s a serious thing if she says No to your proposal but I think calling the relationship quits as a result of that might be too extra. And I do have my reasons.
WHAT IF SHE IS NOT READY?
I am in a relationship with someone I do love and see myself marrying sometime in the nearest future but sometimes, I have had to ask myself what I would do when this guy is ready to get married and I am not ready yet. Would he ask me why and find out? Or would he call it quits?
Some people think he should at least be knowledgeable enough to know when I’m ready or not. But the problem with this premise is that this can be quite confusing, especially if he wants the proposal to be a surprise. What if he is convinced that she is ready because she looks or talks ready but is not ready mentally?
I think we really should consider the possibility that a woman can really love a man, see a future with him but indeed, not be ready when he pops the question; and sometimes, it is not about whether she is ready to submit or not or whether she is financially stable as she wants. Sometimes, it is just psychological and in a lot of cases, you can’t just explain the exact unready-for-marriage feeling that you have.
It is important to remember that a man will NEVER ask for a woman’s hand in marriage until he thinks he is ready, even if she has been ready for it for long. He might not be financially ready and all and sometimes, he is just not mentally ready. It doesn’t reduce the love he has for her, neither does it mean he’ll push himself to get married because she wants to get married.
If the man most likely would not ask the question unless HE is ready, then why should there not be a consideration of the possibility that she might not be ready too? Should she automatically be ready because he is ready? Or, is it only the man who needs to get mentally or psychologically ready for marriage?
Being ready is not only talking like you’re ready. It might not even be talking about marriage. It is not looking like you’re all ready and ripe.
Asking the WHY question
So, here’s my submission. If she says No to a proposal, there should be questions asked; Why?
-Is it that she doesn’t see a future with him at all?
-Or is it that she is not ready (Maybe he asked too early)?
If it’s the latter, then do well to ask WHY she is not ready.
The responses should inform your next step; whether to stay and chill or find someone else. As for me, however, God knows I am not going to say Yes to a marriage I am not prepared for (and I know he definitely would not ask me without knowing if I’m prepared).
Or, what do you think?
I Tried Being In A Relationship in 300L, 400L and 500L With The Same Girl But She Refused ~ Dipo #FreshGradTales
#FreshGradTales is here again and well, I am as excited as you are (or should be). Today, I have Olaitan Dipo being featured on #FreshGradTales. Dipo is a fresh graduate from the Federal University of Technology, Minna, Niger State (FUTMINNA) and he studied Chemical Engineering. The young graduate who hails from Kwara State is the only child of his parents and loves to watch movies, read and gist with friends.
Do enjoy his interview and do not forget to share after you’re done with reading. Thank you.
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How would you describe your journey through the university?
I would describe my journey through the University as a great one with loads of experience from friends and from the environment.
What were the best thing and worst thing about attending your university?
The best thing for me about attending the University was the freedom you get when you leave home; you don’t have anyone to control you. The worst for me was having to deal with different kinds of people especially roommates, lecturers and sometimes the courses themselves
If you had an opportunity to start all over again, would you still pick your university? Why or why not?
I would not, because of the stress I have to pass through to get to the University and the distance from my home (Lagos) to Minna due to bad roads as well as considering conditions such as light issues we experienced outside the campus because of the number of limited hostels we had in the University.
Imagine you had a second chance as a student, what would you do better?
If I had a second chance as a student, I would plan my life better than before. I would make more inquiries about the course I want to study. In details, what I mean is that I won’t go for Chemical Engineering. Although I planned to study Computer Engineering, along the line, I applied for Chemical Engineering.
What did you learn most from being a student in your university?
What I learnt most was how to accommodate different kinds people (their behaviours) and also learning to relate well when meeting people for the first time. I didn’t relate with people well in secondary school when meeting them for the first time until I had known them very well and this affected my relationship with my level mates in 100L.
Tell us about your relationships, maybe?
Actually, for relationships, they did not work out for me. I tried being in a relationship in 300, 400 and 500L with the same girl but she refused.
What challenges did you have as a student? (This could be personal, academic, whatever)
The challenge I had as a student was mainly the problem of mentoring. I had nobody to guide me and that was actually my fault because I kept a lot of things to myself.
Now that you’re a graduate, what’s next for you?
The next is to launch into the labour market (Lol). But before then, I would love to acquire some skills such as programming and leadership skills.
Any final words?
Yes, I want to say a big thank you to Orifunke for this great opportunity. God bless you ma.
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#FreshGradTales is a series of interviews for fresh graduates from ALL universities in Nigeria. This initiative aims at hearing and sharing the stories, struggles, achievements and experiences of fresh Nigerian graduates. We do believe everyone has a unique story that someone somewhere would love to read and benefit from reading as well.
If you are a fresh university graduate and would love to share your #FreshGradTales, Orifunke would be glad to hear from you on [email protected]