When The Man Earns Less…
I have always wondered what relationships look like when the man earns less than the woman. In this part of the world where the man is saddled with the expectation of taking care of his woman, it is unconsciously expected that the man should earn more.
Women who are thus more successful and earn more are advised to keep their achievements away from the knowledge of their lovers as it could be a stain on their ego if they get to find out that their women earn more than they do.
This is bullshit, anyway
Well, I hate to generalize and so I needed to know. Is it true that men would find it uncomfortable dating or marrying a woman who earns more? And is it true that women would find it uncomfortable marrying a man who earns less? And then, I asked this question across all my social media platforms and got replies. Of all the replies I got, about 90% were of the opinion that a man earning less than a woman wasn’t a problem. Of these 90%, a little over average were males. I found it interesting that guys thought it was absolutely nothing if their women earned more than they did. And although I wasn’t surprised, I found it equally interesting that women didn’t care either.
Perhaps there were guys who wouldn’t support the idea and they just didn’t comment on my poll for fear of going against the popular opinion, I really do not know and I cannot say. However, I’ll choose to go with the results of my poll and see this topic in that light till I am influenced by a different opinion.
Now, would I have a problem with my man earning less? Absolutely not. I would be more bothered if my man was bothered about me earning more. For the baby girl that I am though (Lol), Maybe I’d like it if my man earns more than I do. So that he can at least be buying me shawarma and ice-cream. And I won’t be feeling guilty for eating his money. I’m kidding. I think the problem is not if I’m earning more or if he’s earning less or whatever. But on how much we love each other and are willing to make it work.
I have heard of guys who take their more-earning women for granted or see her as an opportunity for them to get rich. And there are some other guys who absolutely drop the efforts to buy nice things for their ladies because she’s earning more and can afford it. They think their efforts are no longer needed since she can handle that herself.
Now this is not something I subscribe to. That I am earning more shouldn’t mean you shouldn’t want to take me out or buy me nice things. (And if you were thinking of asking, relationships are more than buying of gifts). It shouldn’t mean you stop making the efforts. Personally, I don’t care about how much or how little you spend, as long as you’re showing me you do care.
So here’s my bit for ladies; if you are dating a guy who earns less, there should never be a point in the relationship when you rub that in this face. Respect the fact that he works hard to make his ends meet whether he earns more or less. What a man earns really should never be the basis for your respecting him.
And for the men; you shouldn’t be bothered about it. A woman who doesn’t care will not give a damn about what you think. A woman who is well-meaning may not feel free to help out when you need it. You shouldn’t feel insecure at any point. If she’s a good woman that you love so much, you would do well not to ever bring up the issue in a disagreement. And of course, if there are things you should do for her, you shouldn’t rescind on your decision to make her happy in the little way you can.
This is what I think. Your opinion(s) could be different. So what do you think? For the ladies, would you date/marry a man who earns less? For the guys, would you date/marry a woman who earns more?
Well, I don’t actually see any big deal in it. Our money should be used for both personal and joint needs. The children are there, they need the money. Except the money is being selfishly spent, that’s when issues would come in, so I don’t still see any big deal in my wife earning more than I do.
My wife would say my money is my money,your money is our money.. Who cares who earns more? As long as things get done. In Yoruba, we say “Ti asiri o ba ti tu” meaning once the secret isn’t let out, we good!
This is a story of a guy who hasn’t had a salary job for quite a while. I could say more on this but I’ll stop here.
It’s not a big deal if my wife earns more than I do, as long as she’s not carrying it on her head.