I read Toke Makinwa’s book “On Becoming” recently and well, what a read it was! I have not gotten over the wave of emotions that hit me from time to time while I read the book. I have had one or two people tell me that it is dangerous to believe a one-sided story like Toke Makinwa’s and I agree to an extent. But something deep within me believes her story hook, line and sinker and it’ll remain that way until I’m proven otherwise.
The book is opened by Toke Makinwa narrating the story of her family background. She tells a gruesome story of how she loses her parents to a fire incident that happened in their home while she was a kid. In the book, she also describes her growing up, education and the main gist of the book- her relationship with Maje.
Toke Makinwa’s story is relevant, to me, because she openly tells about the experiences of many ladies who will never have the strength to tell them. Her story also reveals the failure of the African society that would rather blame the woman for the dissolution of a marriage than blame a man. The faulted system that suggests that a broken marriage would have been prevented if the woman “cooked better for him, gave him enough sex and blah blah blah.”
I was angry while reading the book because I couldn’t fathom why she kept going back to a guy who kept cheating on her. I really wouldn’t blame her though. When a woman loves a man, she easily forgives him when he apologizes with the hope that he will change. Of course, he might not and the cycle continues.
I was disgusted because I really couldn’t place why he always kept cheating and coming back to say “I’m sorry” knowing well that he was no where near the changed man he acclaimed himself to be.
I was sad because of the trauma she had to go through and how she could have avoided that a long time ago.
The end of the book however brought me a feeling of unsaid joy and relief. I am glad that she was able to find solace and strength in God’s Word during the trying times.
Here’s a lesson for ladies: If a man keeps disrespecting you over and over again, don’t go into marriage with him. Yes, you really love him and trust that he’ll change. But if he keeps hurting you again and again, please leave. If your relationship with a man doesn’t change him, don’t expect your marriage with him to do that either.
Disclaimer: My views are solely based on reading Toke Makinwa’s account of her relationship with Maje. The story may change if I ever get to read or hear Maje’s side of the story.
By the way, today is Toke’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Toke Makinwa!