My First BRT Experience in Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 8
Ever been on a Lagos BRT before? Can you recall what your first BRT experience in Lagos was like? Fun? Normal? Mine was awful and I’m going to tell you why.
So y’all have seen the video of Femi Otedola in a molue, right? I’m guessing you oohed and ahhed, gushing at how amazing it is that he took the plunge to the baser lifestyle of the average Nigerian. Okay, not so average.
Funny enough, while I watched the video clip, all I could think of was how I felt when I got into a BRT bus for the first time.
In all my years as a Lagosian, all my life actually, I had never been in a BRT or molue for that matter. Until April. It was my first BRT experience in Lagos that I promised that I would never repeat. Actually, I never even thought I would ever experience it, despite all my talks of how I’m a Lagosian and I’ve basically done everything that counts in Lagos –eaten boli, trekked from one bus stop to another, fought with conductor for change, haggled and bargained for the price of pepper in a market, taken a bike from Ikeja to my home (quite a scary heart-in-my mouth distance), the list goes on..or so I thought!
Catch Up On Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
I digress. Anyway, so how was my first BRT experience in Lagos? Awful! I was holding onto my bag like hell’s waters.
How it all began? I was running late for an appointment and had to figure out how to get from Ketu to Ikoyi. CMS, was the option. Alas, there was no bus heading straight that way and Ubering it wasn’t an option, I mean girl was reeeed, so I bit the bullet and decided to get into a BRT bus when it seemed like the only option.
I was like, yay, gonna get there on time, save funds and still feel like a G. Yeah? No.
Did You Miss This? What Lagos Means | The Lagos Series, Week 2
I did save funds. I mean, BRT from Ketu to TBS was N200! Imagine my surprise! Gosh, how I’ve been wasting money on transport (a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do). I could not believe my luck.
Then came the surprise, more like culture shock(s). First, as I was about to buy my ticket, I saw some kids tryna get my attention; “Aunty, aunty! Please comman buy our ticket.”
I was like whoa, what’s going on here? Looked at the ticket guy and he gave me this unassuming look. I was like hell to the na, nobody gonna syphon my funds. Before I had time to react, the guy was asking the kids if they had change, so he could give me their ticket instead of the authentic one with him. I was like “who be mugu for here?” Politely told him no and bought the right ticket.
I thought that was all for the drama, only for me to almost get into the wrong bus, being saved from myself by some passengers. I’m sure they knew I was clueless.
Ever Being Stranded in Lagos? Read: Being Broke In Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 3
Got saved and onto the next bandwagon. Oh the horror, I felt so out of place, I couldn’t understand it, I mean, this is the girl that takes public transport like no man’s business then suddenly she is scared and holding onto her bag looking bright-eyed.
I was like, get a hold of yourself! But, no, the inner voice wouldn’t shut up; “What if they steal your bag?”, “Don’t bring out your phone”, “Don’t look too stiff”, “Don’t look too fidgety”, “Oh my gosh, this is how it must feel in subways, no wonder people are warned about subways”, “Is this appointment really that important”, “Why so stingy? Should have taken Uber”, “What if you miss your bus stop? You can’t shout ‘owa!‘ like before.”
You would love this! How To Live Long In Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 5
Don’t get me wrong, my fellow passengers looked like respectable people but the ones that didn’t…didn’t and that was not easy to deal with. I mean in other public transports, if there’s a calamity…say someone going crazy in the bus…you can jump out the window (maybe?) Or go out the trunk, but in this BRT bus, there was no escaping, the bus was high and sealed. Hmm, no wonder it’s easy for Americans to hijack school buses and the likes over there (well, it’s seen in the movies), there’s no escape route.
On getting to Costain, I became somewhat relieved knowing I would soon get to my bus stop, only for the driver to get to Leventis and scream at the few of us left in the bus that Leventis was the last bus-stop.
I swerved, “Wait, what!”
Before I said anything, an old man got up and started ranting at the driver, another passenger who tried to pacify the situation finally begged the driver to explain to the Leventis ticket guy that we didn’t know we got into the wrong bus and he should let us get into another that’d take us to our destination. The bus driver refused, abusing me and the five other passengers.
Tails between our legs, led by the ranting old man, we went to meet the ticket salesperson and explained our situation. Seeing how many we were, he believed us and got us into another bus going to CMS without charging us a ticket fee.
Upon getting to CMS, I swiftly got down, thanked the old man that saved our situation, got into a “safer” public transport, well on my way to the venue. In time.
Anyway, so I watched Otedola’s molue video clip and wondered how he must have been feeling. I noticed he checked his pocket when he got down.
One question though, didn’t passengers recognize him?
Oh, by the way, I survived, got to my appointment on time and got back home safely.
Living On The Island Or Mainland- Which Is Better? | The Lagos Series, Week 7
My BRT experience in Lagos ranks up there with my Okada-on-the-express experience. I will tell you about that sometime. But for now…Ciao.
So, what was your first BRT experience in Lagos like? Tell me about it, will you?
Glossary
Molue – Lagos yellow buses popular in 90’s
BRT – Bus Rapid Transit
Bike – Motorcycle
Boli – roasted plantain
“Feel like a G” – (slang) to be on top of your game
“Who be mugu for here?” – Do I look stupid?
Owa! – (Yoruba) This is my stop!
Okada– Motorcycle
Gabriella Opara is an illustrator of words, drawings and clothes. She blogs at glamogenscribbles.wordpress.com/
* * * * * *
The Lagos Series is a project which aims at sharing an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos in both written and visual media.
Have a story to share?
Join the Facebook community here: The Lagos Series Community
Follow us on Instagram: @thelagosseries
Like on Facebook: The Lagos Series
FOR PARTNERSHIP or SPONSORSHIP: [email protected]
Living on the Island or Mainland- Which is Better? | The Lagos Series, Week 7
For many people who are in the working class, there is usually a need to consider either living on the Island or mainland of Lagos. A lot of people are crazy about staying on the Island and I do not blame them; everyone wants to stay in the high brow areas. We want that response of admiration you get when you tell someone you stay in Victoria Island as against when you tell someone you live in somewhere like Ajegunle. Right? Lol. Living on the Island is cool, really, and has several benefits. For instance, the place looks beautiful (the fine places o) and I hear that security there is really tight.
The Island consists of areas including Ikoyi, Lekki, Victoria Island, Ajah while the mainland consists of just about every place that is not on the Island. Lagos mainland comprises well over 70% of Lagos.
Having lived on the mainland for a larger part of my life and also having lived on the Island for a very short while, I would readily take living on the mainland over the Island. One, I think I am just really resistant to change and I don’t like moving to new environments even if it’s just for a few weeks. Asides that, here are some reasons why I prefer living on the mainland to living on the Island.
- Cost of Living
Well, if you are really really wealthy and can afford to keep spending money, you could move to the Island. But for me, I am not a fan of living in a place where I have to spend double or more than I would on the mainland, from the food to the houses and lands and other items. Life on the Island is just too expensive (for me, that is) and when I see a number of my people who just manage to pull through all along with debts incurred from staying on the Island, I am grateful I have settled down with staying where I am. I do not think it wise for anyone to live where they can’t readily afford. What’s the essence of incurring debts because you want to look rich? Tah.
- Flooding wahala
I decided to visit a friend of mine who stays on the Island one time when I was on a two-week leave from work. The plan was to stay there for a few days before travelling out of Lagos to see my family in Delta state. It turned out to be a very big mistake. The night before I was to travel, it rained cats and dogs and you know Island na– everywhere became flooded. So flooded that I couldn’t even drive out or my car would be badly damaged. Even to walk sef was almost impossible as the water was like a large pool. To make matters worse, the lights had to go off to avoid electrocution problems. I kept blaming myself because I was about to move the next day when it happened.
Photo-credit: https://www.channelstv.com/2017/07/08/lagosians-lament-as-flood-hits-lekki-victoria-island/
- Traffic is everywhere
I don’t know if it’s just me but I think I prefer mainland’s traffic to Island’s traffic coupled with the fact that Island is far. I know that mainland’s traffic can be really crazy too but then I know I’m close to my house whenever I’m on the Island, no matter how far I could be away from home. What I’m saying is that there’s traffic in both places so I’d settle for that of the mainland. Lol
Photo-credit: ThePointNG
Living on the Island or Mainland?
It might be a different ball game for you and my rules are not hard-and-fast. There are a lot of factors that would require you staying on the Island. For instance, if your job is on/close to the Island, it only makes sense to stay close by. If I was working on the Island, I most likely would have found a way to move there since. If you are also someone who likes your peace of mind intact, the Island could be a better option. I mean, it is not very likely that you will find random bus conductors and drivers breaking bottles on their heads. There are also beautiful houses on Lagos Island, but there are a whole lot of them on the mainland too so… Different strokes for different folks, yeah?
So where do you prefer to stay more if you live in Lagos? Island or Mainland.
Written by Ese Oghene, a practising lawyer and ghostwriter.
Haven’t read previous episodes of The Lagos Series yet? Catch up here: The Lagos Series
* * * * *
The Lagos Series is a project which aims at sharing an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos in both written and visual media.
Have a story to share?
Join the Facebook community here: The Lagos Series Community
Follow us on Instagram: @thelagosseries
Like on Facebook: The Lagos Series
FOR PARTNERSHIP or SPONSORSHIP: [email protected]
How To Live Long In Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 5
As a Lagosian, one of the things you might be interested in knowing is how to live long in Lagos. Oh, you didn’t know? There are a thousand ways to die in Lagos, just like in every other metropolitan city in the world. But not to worry, we have compiled a list of all the things you need to know about how to live long in Lagos. Yes, we love you and we care about your life. *wide grin*
P.S: This list has been compiled from responses to a poll on our Facebook community a few weeks ago. Although the poll was centred around what everyone needs to know when living in Lagos or coming to Lagos for the first time, we have developed on them, giving due credit to original responders.
Catch Up On: Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
1. Understand that nobody knows anywhere in Lagos
Lagosians can relate. You find yourself in a location you’re not familiar with and you decide to ask for directions? No, bruh, don’t do it! One guy would ask you to walk down and turn around and when you do, another Mama would tell you that you came the wrong way and ask you to return the way you came. Then someone else would tell you something else till you eventually get tired and die. Okay, just kidding. But if you are not careful, too much walk can kill someone in this Lagos. So, how to ensure Lagosians don’t kill you when you’re visiting anywhere for the first time?
Always get adequate directions before going to any new place- Durosomo Manuel Olanrewaju
It is not always advisable to ask for directions from some Lagosians- Oyindamola Grace Osinnubi
Photo-credit: tenor.com
2. Remember that only God can be trusted
Yes, you heard that, right? When we hear pathetic stories relating to one person or the other in Lagos, we are reminded that you really can’t trust anybody. As you walk on that road, as you board that bike, as you board that bus, keep it at the back of your mind that you owe it to yourself to be extremely on alert. You don’t want to die before your time o, so shine your eyes. Sometimes people look suspicious, other times, they don’t. Whatever or whenever sha-
Suspect everyone. Every one.- Oluseyi Abisoye Mafolabomi
Photo-credit: activememe.com
Did You Miss This? What Lagos Means | The Lagos Series, Week 2
3. Know that the tush ones are in anywhere but Lagos
If you have stayed in Lagos long enough, you should know that you have to know when to switch from “Queen’s English Mode” to “Iyalaya E Mode”. Yes, that’s one secret to living long in this Lagos o. If you know you want to be tush, kindly stay outside Lagos (or on the Island sha). As you step out every day, ensure to carry your alter ego along, in case the other is to come in handy. This is Lagos- don’t be tush, don’t be slow. Eh ehn.
Know when to package and know when to scatter…You scatter body to enter bus, you package when you enter finish. You scatter voice to ask for change and you package voice to talk to your bus neighbour. If you mix package and scatter up, you’re on your own. For example, if you package voice to call your bus stop now, my sister, you’re on your way to another bus stop. Amen?- Akindele Oyinlola Dorcas
Keep your accent at home and pick Lagos accent when you land in Lagos- Oluwasanjo Bolaji
GIF credit: GIPHY.com
Ever Being Stranded in Lagos? Read: Being Broke In Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 3
4. Respect Yourself, Your Future & The Prayers of Your Mother While Dressing Up
Okay. Let us admit. We don’t know exactly how you can do this one but one thing we would ask of you is not to overdress anywhere, especially if you are a guy. Remember the #EndSars campaign that went viral on social media some months ago? It should definitely remind you of how you should be careful about dressing up when you’re going out. We’re not saying you shouldn’t dress up oo, we’re just saying- well, you should know.
Don’t look like a big boy or girl! You will just be attracting trouble ni- Ayomide Ilegbemi
Avoid SARS!- John Jodah Adah
We will stop here today as we will not want to get you scared of ever coming to Lagos if you’re planning to come sometime in the future. Lest we forget, some time ago, Orifunke wrote a post on Four things you should never do in Lagos and we think it might be useful for you.
Enjoyed reading this? We love love love your feedback. Please drop a comment letting us know you were here. Have a contribution to make to the post? Kindly use the comments box!
If you are visiting for the first time, you REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP ON PREVIOUS EPISODES ASAP!!! Luckily for you, we’ve not gone very far yet. Read all previous episodes here: The Lagos Series
* * * * * *
The Lagos Series is a project which aims at sharing an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos in both written and visual media.
Have a story to share?
Join the Facebook community here: The Lagos Series Community
Follow us on Instagram: @thelagosseries
Like on Facebook: The Lagos Series
FOR PARTNERSHIP or SPONSORSHIP: [email protected]
How To Pack Light For Travel: A Guide To Minimalist Packing
If you want to go on a trip, then you should learn how to pack light for travel. I do not really like to travel because of my motion sickness but when I do have to, I ensure that I pack as little as possible unless it is extremely unavoidable. There are a couple of reasons why you should ensure to travel light while going on a trip. I like to imagine that there could be an emergency (not necessarily negative) that could come up along the way. Packing light would ensure that you do not have to worry about having too many items of luggage. Two, while travelling, you need to be as comfortable as possible. Travelling heavy might not ensure that for you. Also, travelling with less load reduces your chances of losing stuff, which should be top on your list.
So, in this article, I would be showing you how to pack light for travel so that you can enjoy your next trip without hassles. One thing, though, I know that it might not exactly be easy to pack light especially if you normally pack a lot of stuff while travelling. But I am sure that with time, you will get used to it and find it easier and convenient to pack fewer items.
How To Pack Light For Travel
1. Carry-On Bags or Backpacks Are The Best!
In order to travel light, one of the best tips is to make sure you do not carry a bag that is too big. In fact, carry a smaller bag than you need. A carry-on bag helps you to carry only the things that you actually really need, rather than the things you think you might need. If you are thinking of where to get backpacks in Nigeria, I would recommend the Jansport bag for you. It is just the kind of backpack you will need, not just comfortable but fashionable as well as it includes different compartments for different types of items on your travel list.
2. Pack for Just A Week.
Okay, I know that this might be quite difficult as you might be thinking, “What if I leave out something I need?” But chances are you wouldn’t, especially if you have a packing list. I grew up with a mom who would pack every single thing she fancied before going on a trip. (Loool) but that only left us with so much load and inconvenience to and fro. Packing for a week would help you to streamline everything you want in your backpack. You don’t pack just anything you feel like but what you need to pack. If you are planning to have a trip that would take a couple of months, you can definitely wash and re-wear them along the way. Again, a laptop backpack could come in handy for you.
3. Roll, don’t fold.
Many of us are used to folding our clothes in our bags before going on a journey. I’ve found that, though, that rolling your clothes leaves you with more space in your backpack than folding them. And not just that, rolling also leave less rumples on your clothes while travelling than folding. Remember that you might not have the chance of iron your clothes along the way so it’s best to keep them in a form where the chances of having creases are slim.
How to pack light for travel might be quite tasking but look at the bright side- You travel light, spend less shopping on what you think you might need. And if you’ve secured cheap flights to your destinations, you have your budget and bank account all in check.
So, do you have any guides on how to travel light? Is there any other thing you do asides from the ones I have listed? Drop a comment and let’s talk about it!
By the way, if you’re travelling to New York soon from Lagos, Travelstart offers you cheap flights from Lagos to New York. Good idea, yeah? Go for it!
Make Your Life A Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 4
The Lagos Series is on the fourth week and it keeps getting better and better. Our entry today, Make Your Life A Lagos, is a video by Adewunmi Up’stairs Oke that is very much inspiring. You will absolutely enjoy. It’s the most inspiring thing written about Lagos that you will have seen.
Missed the previous episodes of The Lagos Series? Read them here:
Being Broke In Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 3
What Lagos Means | The Lagos Series, Week 2
Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
He says, “Developing your Life is the most rewarding gift you can give to yourself; it doesn’t matter how menial or huge the task is, how rough or smooth the road is.
To enjoy today’s episode, click on the video below.
Missed the previous episodes of The Lagos Series? Read them here:
What Lagos Means | The Lagos Series, Week 2
Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
* * * * *
The Lagos Series is a project which aims at sharing an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos in both written and visual media.
Have a story to share?
Join the Facebook community here: The Lagos Series Community
Follow us on Instagram: @thelagosseries
Like on Facebook: The Lagos Series
FOR PARTNERSHIP or SPONSORSHIP: [email protected]
(Kindly comment and share before you leave)
Tunde TNT On #FreshGradTales, Talks About Journey As A Studentpreneur
Our guest for today’s episode of #FreshGradTales is Morolari Babatunde Oluwaseyi (popularly known as Tunde TNT), a graduate of Psychology, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife. He is a Fashion and Graphics Designer. He is also the CEO of Tunde TNT INC, a brand he started in 2012 and which has gotten him a couple of nominations and recognition. He has won awards including the Ace Awards Entrepreneur of the Year and OYA Awards 2015 Outstanding Fashion Designer of the year.
How would you describe your journey through the university?
My journey through school was a beautiful experience. Most especially, I learnt a great deal on every level academically, socially etc. I met great people while in school and made connections that would surely affect the future positively, I started a number of brands and businesses and helped people in my own capacity to grow and achieve their dreams.
Why OAU of all schools? Why not some other school?
Well, typically, I had my secondary education in Ogun State, and we mostly had desires to go to the great citadel of learning, OAU. lol
Talking about being a fashion designer, at what point in your life did you start? What inspired you to go into fashion designing?
Well I started off as a graphics designer when I was as young as 10, and I practised all through till I got into uni and then getting into university, I designed one of the most popular shirts around, tagged “IREP Oba Awon University”. I decided to print the shirts and sell and that’s how it all started. My mom actually is a fashion designer, so I started to learn sewing and designing from her before I got proper training later on.
On your IG, you mentioned that you spent six years in OAU, is this a story you would like to tell us? What happened? How did it feel?
Hmmmm, it’s a long story which I would still write about in a blog or so. But basically, I got into school to study Bsc Food engineering and along the line, after almost 3 years, I had to cross to psychology, because food engineering didn’t permit me the time to live my fashion x graphics dream. Inclusive of all the time spent on strikes and all of that.
How were you able to merge being an excellent fashion designer with your academics? Was there a point where you felt that school wasn’t important, after all?
Merging for me was quite difficult when I was in Tech, mixing food engineering and being a Fashion x Graphics designer was way difficult. But I usually tell people, if you want to be a successful student entrepreneur, your career choice has to sync with your course of choice, trust me it makes it way easier.
What were the greatest mistakes you made as a student?
My greatest mistake for me would be accepting to study food engineering in the first place, I actually put in for Computer Science with Economics. I really didn’t want to go to a university, always wanted a creative school, but we don’t do that around here and going abroad wasn’t coming through for me at that time.
What particular moment did you have as a student that you will never forget all your life?
Hmmmm, well, I really cherish moments a lot and I have a lot of cherished moments like when I first got a major class shirt to design and produce, my first award moments, moments with close friends and all of that.
Tell us about your relationships, maybe?
In a relationship. Been in it for almost four years, I won’t really say I was heartbroken or broke anyone’s heart.
What challenges did you have as a student who was an entrepreneur?
Major challenges were when my brand started gaining grounds outside Ife so I had to do a lot of travelling. There was this particular day I had to travel to Lagos and come back the same day. Because I had a test the next day, this was kind of challenging. Balancing school work and career work too was another challenge, doing business with students sometimes too can be funny, especially in a community like OAU where they want the best quality for the cheapest amount ever.
What advice do you have for those who are still students in higher institutions and those who are looking at going to school soon?
My advice is, study a course that makes you happy, when you are in school, be focused, have fun, met people, keep the right relationships and live life to the fullest, enjoy every bit of it.
Now that you’re a graduate, what’s next for you?
Well, I would first be getting a job with an ad agency or media firm and freelancing for fashion brands while still running my brand (Tunde TNT INC) after which I would be doing short courses in fashion & graphic designing in a creative institution abroad and when I am back, would run my brand fully.
Any final words?
I believe that creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes and having fun, cherish the right relationships, go out, travel if you can, learn new stuff, help everyone you can and love God!
Credit: Google
More About Tunde TNT:
In the university, Tunde became a brand ambassador for Nokia. He had previously worked at Neo-2 & Next Generation Image as a Graphic artist where he was involved with high-end graphics and multimedia for brands like MTN, Etisalat, and Banner Gas among others. He has participated in fashion shows like; Mr Ideal Nigeria Style Show, Unveiled Fashion Show, Miss Omolewa, Asabi Style Show, The Lagos Wardrobe and Exhibition, The Royal Fashion Show among others. He was on the graphics team for the 14th edition of Y! Magazine, also designed BlacknBold’s Falz edition magazine.
* * * * *
DID YOU ENJOY TUNDE’S INTERVIEW? READ INTERVIEWS OF OTHER FRESH GRADUATES HERE >>>> #FreshGradTales
#FreshGradTales is a series of interviews for fresh graduates from ALL universities in Nigeria. This initiative aims at hearing and sharing the stories, struggles, achievements and experiences of fresh Nigerian graduates. We do believe everyone has a unique story that someone somewhere would love to read and benefit from reading as well.
If you are a fresh university graduate and would love to share your #FreshGradTales, Orifunke would be glad to hear from you on [email protected]
Being Broke In Lagos | The Lagos Series, Week 3
Ever heard of antonyms? That’s what ‘Gidi’ and ‘broke’ sound like to any correct Lagosian. You can’t be afford being broke in Lagos, it is a disaster! A tornado! A hurricane!!! I kid, but seriously, you do not want to be broke in Lagos.
Missed the previous episodes of The Lagos Series? Read them here:
What Lagos Means | The Lagos Series, Week 2
Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
Unfortunately at some point, ‘broke’ would glitter in your ‘Gidi’ diaries. The real test of your ‘gidiness’ is in how well you manage your brokenness amidst the daily chaos and how smart you cover up your tracks while doing that.
But please let me warn you!! Don’t be broke in Lagos!!! Do not be broke in Lagos!!! If you ever get broke, BE SMART!!! Here’s a helpful list of what you shouldn’t do when you’re broke by the way.
That’s how this fine, fresh boy I call friend left his house that day o, starch-ironed shirt, crisp trousers, and well-polished shoes. Now, lemme epp your imagination; imagine that ‘tush’ guy with clean punk cut, highly professional look- ehn ehn.
The guy enter eatery order food, only to discover that money flew from his pocket – whether he forgot his purse at home or ‘the owners’ obtained it, he wasn’t sure. But bottom line, no cash!
The babe attending to him was already microwaving food and smiling like my guy will give her the “keep the change’ line.
My guy did a few pocket checks; you know the movie part where suddenly your pocket flies under your shoe. Film trick was becoming real, na so my guy carry phone, dey form…
“Eeerrrmmmm, where are you now? I am already at the eatery. Have you entered, can you see me? Okay, lemme come out so you can see me. I am wearing a white shirt…” blah, blah, blah…
As hin dey talk, hin dey comot the place, na so smart child waka comot before slap and hot stew land hin head…
In Lagos when you are broke, being cute cannot save your ass, RUN!!
Don’t judge us mehn, anyway na way in Lagos. The hustle is real.
And one quick piece of advice, if you are broke and you know it, don’t mess with the conductors of those yellow buses, some in white buses can still reason with you (don’t ever quote me, abeg) but most of the yellow buses are “Eru Iku” (slaves of death). Those guys don’t send you one bit. They spit on you, squeeze you, sit on you if care is not taken and eventually get you intoxicated on residual ‘omi gutter’ stenches. Beht if you joke with their ten naira, you are in for it.
That day, one of my guys, Yinka, had used his last card to get to Ogba from Gbagada and was hoping there would be a miracle when he got to his destination so he could get back home. But on this day, his miracle was on sabbatical leave, didn’t show or appear o and worse still, he didn’t know anyone where he went.
Being the proud, well-groomed child that he is, baba carry face, went to Koko Bus-stop, entered a bus and got down at Anthony and started to do pity-face for the conductor and speak incoherent Yoruba and pidgin mixed in one – just call it ‘yorubapigin’.
After many pleas from the impatient commuters, the conductor freed my guy but not without a huge chunk of curses. Oh! I have not told you about the first grade ‘Isale-Eko’ curses that can make you rethink if your destiny was aligned sef. Chai!!! These curses come with blows and slaps as bodyguards. Don’t mess with these guys o.
Sometimes I can’t even blame Lagosians for the constant rush, straight faces and inhumane behaviours. One has to be really strong to survive on these streets. Your ‘shepeterian’ level needs intermittent shots of adrenaline. You can’t afford to be underdosed on “ginga” and ‘hustle’. If you are, you will crack and once you crack it is just a matter of time before you split open.
The thought of being cashless in a land where money exchanges hands without sighting the faces of men is devastating enough; the drama that follows when caught by unforeseen circumstances can lead to depression. And you know what is funny,
Lagos owes you nothing but you owe it being tough, after which ‘Gidi owes you everything!! Yes o everything, including association with men who think you are forever indebted to them – they swindle you at the slightest opportunity, stay with you through hard times only to walk away with things you fought for. And the corporate thieves that hunt a broke life.
My dear, being broke in Lagos isn’t an ailment, it’s just in the moment, it usually passes as quickly as it comes. However, don’t be surprised when you find some people whose constant way of life has become being broke. Being broke is how they make a living; they are the ones you would meet at Agege bus stop today, Iyana-Ipaja tomorrow, Berger next tomorrow at bus stops and strategic people-crowded places. They have, over time, perfected the art of retelling their stories and perfecting their acts to gain your pity. See, we would come back to this gist; this is just a forewarning. For you, the Sane, Prim and Proper, being broke is a disaster, for a select Gidi few, it’s a way of life. Deal with it!
My friend, before they come for my head, abeg, let me recline from the day’s hustle and travel back to somewhere other than Lagos where smiling faces tell the tales of the quests which we have travailed. Meanwhile, have you ever been broke in Lagos? Biko share, lemme laugh…
Glossary
Gidi – Lagos
Gidiness – How much of a tough Lagosian you are.
Shepeterian – Well, Let’s just say an unruly fellow
Omo dada – Good child
Ginga – High level of excitement
Hustle – Intense hustle
Yorubapidgin – A barbaric mix of Yoruba and pidgin languages
Isale –Eko – A popular suburb of Lagos city
Eru Iku – Slaves of death
Omi gutter – A concoction of alcohol and hard drugs
WRITTEN BY: WEMIMO ADEJUWON, A pharmacist and a Writer.
ALL GIFs gotten from GIPHY.
Missed the previous episodes of The Lagos Series? Read them here:
What Lagos Means | The Lagos Series, Week 2
Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
* * * * *
The Lagos Series is a project which aims at sharing an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos in both written and visual media.
Have a story to share?
Join the Facebook community here: The Lagos Series Community
Follow us on Instagram: @thelagosseries
Like on Facebook: The Lagos Series
FOR PARTNERSHIP or SPONSORSHIP: [email protected]
(Kindly comment and share before you leave)
What I Hate Most About Being A Woman
What do you think every lady hates most about being a woman? No, sit down and imagine this if you are a guy.
Let me guess your guess (pun intended). You’ll probably say it’s having to do house chores or cooking. Or being hit on by guys she has no interest in. Whatever-
You want to know what I hate most about being a woman? No, it’s not house chores (of course, I hate house chores with a beautiful passion except for washing plates. I can wash plates for Africa)
No, it’s not cooking. Even though I have not cooked in a very long while as I hardly have the time to cook, I really really love cooking.
Oh, I do hate being hit on by guys I do not like in any way, especially by those Yaba vendors who always pull you to buy stuff when you’re passing by. But, no, I can still deal with that.
So what is it that I hate most about being a woman?
MENSTRUAL PERIODS!!! (insert crying smiley here)
Every time when it’s that time of the month for me, I always ask myself why on earth I have to go through the stress of having blood ooze from my body because I didn’t get pregnant. I mean… I can’t imagine bringing out blood from me for five days every month. (Actually, I can imagine because I do. Lol)
And you know what? I have a short menstrual cycle so most times, I have my cycle TWICE A MONTH. Imagine that? Imagine that!
I hate the pain that comes with it. But that’s not all…
I hate my emotional moodswings; how I can suddenly feel like crying for no reason ever or feel so sad.
I hate the feeling of hopelessness I usually have towards the start of my cycle and through it.
I have crazy and unusual cravings and I don’t even feel like eating that much when I’m on.
I hate the edgy feeling that comes and how every thing or everyone can be annoying.
And finally, I hate how big my cheeks get when it’s close to my period! I mean, people see me around this period and think I am gaining weight. (I just wonder what I would like when I am pregnant.)
The menstrual cycle is just a crazy cycle. I will never be able to understand what on earth I did to deserve it.
I know someone who is reading this would probably think it not right to write a post about menstruation but before you tell me anything, just know that I am currently on my period. You know what that means? It means I can be very edgy right now. So, don’t step on my toes. Thanks.
Which brings me to ask… why do people feel uncomfortable about talking about or listening to any talk about menstrual cycles? I strongly think that a lady shouldn’t be shy and uncomfortable about her period. And sensible guys should know that having a menstrual cycle is just normal and you should treat it just as it is- normal.
If you have a girlfriend, one of the things that you will need to know is when your girlfriend is on her period and also to know the different feelings that come along with it for her. It would help you to handle her better and not feel awkward if she does something you don’t particularly like during this period.
Just saying, anyway.
I should snap out of how I feel in two or three days. I’ve not stopped taking sugary stuff anyway. I have found out that taking sugary things gives me the sugar rush that I need or else, I’d just be so so dull.
Thank you for reading.
See you again, soon.
P.S: ALL GIFs gotten from GIPHY
What Lagos Means In Five Verses | The Lagos Series | Week 2
This poem by Mosobalaje Abimbola (King Abimbola) is one that perfectly and effortlessly describes what Lagos means. It encapsulates the daily life that most people in Lagos can relate to. This is the second entry in The Lagos Series and we have twenty-eight weeks to go. Last week, we had a post on Lagos Yoruba Demons. Read it here: Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
* * * * *
Lagos
There are many names which Lagos can be called;
A whore who welcomes everybody into her bosom
Without discrimination,
A restless soul –because she never sleeps,
even when darkness bites into the soul of the day.
If like me, you love music, you’ll listen
To the unrhythmic rhythms of Molues, BRTs, hawkers,
You will hear the silent, but heavy thumps of hearts
Imperfectly held in figurines with faces soaked with sweat.
You can say Lagos is that disrespectful child,
But not the spoilt brat like a fermented meal.
It bears no respect for anyone; you could be in a suit,
Sitting on the step of a BRT, while a boy in shorts
Sits comfortably in a chair with his ears plugged with a phone.
No one is allowed
The luxury of nothingness;
Somehow, the sojourners get rods to play
their drums, It is how they remind themselves of living.
Here, since the sun shone, it has never set
It will never set.
For those who have chosen to suckle life’s milk
From the sagging breasts of the many-breasted woman,
I hope we never choke on its fluid.
King Abimbola
What Lagos Means
Missed the last episode of The Lagos Series? Read it here:
Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
* * * * *
The Lagos Series is a project which aims at sharing an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos in both written and visual media.
Have a story to share?
Join the Facebook community here: The Lagos Series Community
Follow us on Instagram: @thelagosseries
Like on Facebook: The Lagos Series
(Kindly comment and share before you leave)
Lagos Yoruba Demons | The Lagos Series, Week 1
If you’re Nigerian and especially live in Lagos, then the idea of Yoruba demons is not novel to you. I, for one, have had an interesting number of experiences with them.
My freshest memory of one was a dude (in his early thirties) who was working in the same organization as I was and was seriously making passes at me every good day. For the naïve person I was, I was quite fascinated about how or why he wasn’t married yet even though he looked like he had everything he needed to start a family.
Well, I didn’t say yes to him. One, which was the most important, I was in a relationship. And two, I just felt he was too old and unintelligent for me. I endured him for many weeks until he got into some trouble in the company and was fired.
As usual, he was the talk of the company for a while after he left. One beautiful day, a colleague of mine was talking about him and he said, “I don’t know how John will cater for his pregnant wife now.”
I shook. What? Pregnant wife? You mean, John has a wife, a pregnant wife? I found it really hard to believe. I had asked him if he was single and he had affirmed it. I’d also asked him why he was single and he said something about not finding the right person yet.
So this guy that had been making passes at me was married and his wife was pregnant! I was mad. No, really, I was so mad. Not because I cared about him or would have said yes to him but because I couldn’t just think about how he could be so cruel and unfaithful!
Now, this was the most infuriating thing- I called him after to let him know that I knew he was married and how I was disappointed with him. Do you know this guy absolutely denied it? He absofuckinglutely denied it. In fact, he still denies it.
That was one of the Yoruba demon experiences I first had.
Who is a Yoruba Demon?
A “Yoruba demon” is a guy who is a specialist at cheating on his lovers or breaking the hearts of innocent girls. And it is important to note that the term “Yoruba demon” although is mostly made to refer to Yoruba guys who break hearts, any guy of any tribe can be a Yoruba demon, even if he is white.
How to know a “Yoruba Demon”?
To be honest, I don’t know. I have a list of things in my head that I’d advise any lady to be aware of before saying yes to a guy or while dating him. For example, I can’t trust a guy who’s 28 and above not to be married or at least, have someone he’s dating. I’m not saying it’s impossible o but until I am convinced, I don’t believe.
Sometimes there are warning signs which are really obvious unless you’re too blinded by love to see. However, there are demons and there are demons. And some of them have so perfected the art of looking and acting innocent. The only way you can find them out is-
Allow the Holy Spirit lead you ???
Because, to be honest, only God can show you who is who. So before you say yes to a guy who lives in Lagos, has a car, has a house, looks like he’s ready for marriage, better pray in tongues well (If you’re a Christian) so you have enough information about him from the Spirit. ???
P.S: This is from a personal opinion. You might not agree with it.
* * * * *
The Lagos Series is a project which aims at sharing an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos in both written and visual media.
Have a story to share?
Join the Facebook community here: The Lagos Series Community
Follow us on Instagram: @thelagosseries
Like on Facebook: The Lagos Series
Also, Visit The Lagos Series’ website
(Kindly comment and share before you leave)
